I’m someone who’s constantly feel like I’m chasing love and can never reach her. I feel the more I try, the harder it becomes and the faster she runs out of my view. I’ve fell in and out of love and anytime I’ve thought about confessing to the person of my affection, a dagger is sent flying through my chest, when I discover this person has a significant other.
I then have no choice to accept it, even if I don’t want to. I don’t want to get between this couple, I don’t want to be a home wrecker, a person who will do anything for love. What kind of monster would that be? To take someone’s happiness away from them, that monster is not me and I don’t ever want it to be me.
I truly love the person and if you truly love something, you should let it go free. That’s what they say…right?
I try to be happy on the outside, I try to pretend everything is okay, I hide all these from my friends, as I don’t want to trouble them with my insignificant issues. I go home and crawl into bed, I distract myself with food and funny videos of my favorite online personalities but it does little good. I cry, I cry and cry, over and over again. I crush my feelings knowing fully well, that I will experience the same pain again, and so the cycle then continues.
Another attraction and another heartbreak, it feels a hundred times worse than being rejected by face to face, but the indirect rejection that can happen. When I think they don’t have a significant other, when they don’t share their lives on social media to same extent I do, I then realize there is already this divide after every rejection.
That I’m a person who loves to share bits of my life but they also have a life beyond the one that I know they have. I realize that event though we may be friends, I don’t know them as well as I would like, I realize we’re still strangers.
If this sounds depressing then simply ignore this post, I don’t want to be a downer for your day. With valentines day so close approaching, it reminds me of all this.
Every time I see a couple, I yearn for that, I’m envious of those with that special someone. I imagine how must it feel to have that taste of love, cuddle with each other on those cold days, have someone that you can share every little secret with. Know that, that special someone is there for you to be there to accept any of the pain you go through and there to comfort you in those dark times. How great must that feel, I hope someday I can experience that joyous feeling of that someone in my life.
Well that’s it, by for know and have a fabulous day.
Kite Visionary x
P.S. I’m okay now don’t worry, this is a very old post but one I want to share anyway